Burning Down Memory Lane

Since I’ve been writing since I was ten, I’ve collected a lot of journals. One sunny day, I thought: I’m letting go. I’m moving on. I’m starting a new life. I should burn my journals… pati narin ang mga letters...

So I got them out of my box (which is pretty big already) and took them out. And my mom was super happy about it. Finally, malilinis na ang kwarto ko. Nagkaka-allergy na kasi ako sa alikabok ng mga lumang papel.

Anyway, my plan was to burn them. I’ll slowly let them go, while the flame eats each and every page of my life… Para dramatic ang dating. At first I got a white ceramic vase. Sabi ni ate leah, masisira daw yun, saying. Ok fine. Minus dramatic points naman yun. Sige na nga lata ng Selecta nalang.

So I went to the back of our house.

As you can see, it’s slightly open so I figured dun nalang gawin ang aking letting-go-ritual. Tinatamad na kasi akong lumabas. Baka makita pa ko ng kapitbahay at magtanong kung anong ginagawa ko.

So I brought a candle and a stick. I started tearing each page to burn them one by one. Di ko kasi isasama yung cover kasi may plastic. Bad for the environment. Anyway, the first page I burned, nagulat ako. Ang bilis pala nya magliyab ah. At ang laki ng flame. So I waited till the flame died.

Syet. Ang usok naman. Hmmm… better keep the flame going.

So I went on and on. Tearing and burning.

Langya. Ang tagal nito ah. 30 minutes na at di pa ko tapos sa isang notebook. Mejo lang 10 pa ata yung susunod. At mejo humahangin at kumakalat ang ashes. Haay…

So I went inside muna to get some fresh air. But no. Walang fresh air sa loob. Mausok narin. Even if I closed the sliding doors, pumapasok parin sa loob ng bahay yung usok. Syet patay.

Dapat pala talaga sa labas. Kaya pala nung sinunog ni Kris si Chelsea, sa basurahan sa labas nya yun ginawa.

Anak ng… Ayoko na nga.

I got a black garbage bag and placed my journals and letters there. Isinama ko pa yung mga ashes. I tied it up and left it outside.

Ayan. Eh di wala na.