Coming Out of My Shell

I’ve been writing since I was 10 – but only in private. For young people, we call it a Diary. For the older ones, we call it a Journal. I stopped keeping a journal when I was in college. I realized that if you don’t want anyone reading your thoughts, don’t write it. But I can’t help it. I must write and for that purpose, the back of any notebook came in handy. I can write, rip it, and throw it away.

I’m OC so in law school I had a to-do notebook. It’s my version of Dumbledore’s Pensieve. There I put the web of ideas from my head and organize. And since I take it everywhere I go, there’s no risk of anybody else reading it. So I put my secret thoughts at the back. Well, it’s not actually secret. It’s just that, I don’t want other people knowing what I think, my fears, disappointments etc. Plus I’m ‘emo’ sometimes, and I’m not proud of that.

One day, a classmate saw my notebook. Amazed by how organized my To Do list is, he starts flipping the pages. Since my secret writings were in the back, there was a big chance he might not see it. So I didn’t panic. But I was wrong, he saw it and read it out loud. I was so shocked! I walked out and cried. I know, so juvenile. But I felt exposed and vulnerable. From then on, thoughts when written, goes straight to the bin.

When blogging became popular, I was amazed on how these people can just write personal stuff for everyone to see. I admired them for their courage and openness. So I tried it too. At first it was just my favorite quotes, song lyrics… Like I was saying what I want to say through someone else’s words. Eventually, it felt comfortable, so I put my own writings: rantings and random thoughts.

From friendster to multiply, now it’s time to take the next step: blogspot. I’ve always wanted to write my life bio. And this seemed like the next best thing.

I know. I’m not somebody yet. But one day I will be.